A message to the wives

Past experience has shown us that wives are often resistant to husbands partaking in this ritual, something I can appreciate from my own life. My wife was not excited about me using this Sacrament the first time. It is very natural for women to have concerns about this somewhat drastic step, and I hope I can alleviate some of those for you.

First of all, you might or might not know how badly your husband is suffering. We tend to hide this, and well, from those closest to us. It is in our nature to always put up a strong front for you, and minimize if we can our own pain. Many wives have been shocked to find out later just how much their husband was going through prior to this ritual. The cool thing is he will be able to tell you about it after.

Among the benefits of psilocybin, it tends to reconnect us with our emotions. Things we have intentionally turned off for the duration of the war, and most of us don't have any idea how to turn back on. I personally feel far more connected to my wife and children now that was I thought possible. My relationship with my wife is stronger. I have more empathy, more love for her, and I am far more capable of seeing things from her point of view. We would never have gotten to this place if I had not found a way to heal myself on a spiritual level.

My ex-wife said it best in regards to deployments. She told me once that I came back darker every time, which in retrospect is true. We pick up a lot of baggage along the way, and we go through transitions not a lot of other humans can understand. Within 3 months of my retirement from the Army, I was also in the middle of a divorce. Which is not at all uncommon among our breed. When we finally have to face a lot of things we have buried, which retirement does for us, it can get very messy. If you know military men at all, you know how many of them have gone completely off the rails once they are out. A legend of the Special Forces Regiment overdosed on heroin 6 months after retirement, who I knew personally. And I know several others that didn't survive 3 years.

Whether your husband feels suicidal or not ( or would be willing to share it with you if he was), he is carrying a lot of pent up things around in his skull. The ritual use of psilocybin also has the effect of cleaning that off. If you send him to me for a weekend, I will send back someone far closer to the man you met 10 deployments ago. That is the number one thing we hear from spouses.